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today i…
Spent so much time out of the house. I’ve been a recluse lately, only going out to the grocery store or to pick up food. Ever since COVID times, I have found my social anxiety to be much higher than it ever was before. Growing up, I developed a pretty bad stutter, which ultimately caused me to have some level of social anxiety because I didn’t want to be made fun of while speaking. Even to this day, I have a hard time telling people my own name.
With this social anxiety that’s built up over the years, I’m trying my hardest to break out of this shell that I have never fully stepped out of. My safe space has been very comforting and I don’t have to face situations that would cause my social anxiety to spike.
But today was different. Since I’ve been feeling all sorts of emotions lately, I wanted to try my best to expose myself to working on my laptop out in public some more. I found a good spot at a local coffee shop, and got to work! Shoutout to Adam and Dory for asking me to help them get their site going. It’s been a really fun experience and I’m so excited to see where it goes. I’ve been learning about different technology that I hadn’t used much, returning to some old programming languages that I haven’t touched since my days at Microsoft. I spent several hours there, and I even worked up the courage to speak to another individual that was there working on his laptop. The conversation was short, but I’m counting that as a win. Only stopped myself once during the short conversation because I felt a stutter coming.
After finishing up what I wanted to get done, I walked over to Barnes and Noble to pickup a new book, “The Dawn of Everything - A New History of Humanity” by David Graeber and David Wengrow. I came home after this, had a little bit of dinner then just relaxed in bed for most of the night before getting in the shower.
Ended the night with reading the first two chapters of this new book. I’m so excited to read more of it. I’ve taken my melatonin and magnesium about 30 minutes ago, so I should get off this computer and get to bed.
Even though I still feel the “cfwilf” feeling, I’m glad to be documenting what’s going on in my brain and what I’ve been up to.
Thanks for being here.